1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:05,559 Downing Street, May 9, 2046. 2 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:13,159 Hello, Nigel Farage here. 3 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,199 I hope this Cameo finds you well. 4 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,799 I hear from a friend of yours that it's your special day. 5 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,039 120 years old. 6 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:33,839 Well, doesn't time fly, uh Sir David Attenborough? 7 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,200 Have a pint on me. 8 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:36,519 And, hey-- 9 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,879 I think I'll join you. 10 00:00:59,040 --> 00:00:59,999 Ah. 11 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,999 I love being prime minister. 12 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:07,559 Good morning, sir! 13 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:12,119 Kemi Badenoch, my trusted deputy, here with my Yorkie bar 14 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,999 and morning briefing. - Yes, yes. 15 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:14,759 Yes, yes. 16 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:15,959 Big news days, Prime Minister. 17 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,639 Thanks to our deportations, the population of London 18 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,679 is finally down to single figures. 19 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,759 Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. 20 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:24,599 Ha, ha, ha. 21 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,719 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! 22 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,200 Ha, ha. - Ha, ha, ha! 23 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,479 Ha, ha, ha. 24 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,079 Ha, ha. 25 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,079 Ha, ah, excellent, excellent. 26 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,959 Less strain on our resources. 27 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:34,719 Exactly. 28 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,200 And one last thing, King Trump assures us, 29 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,919 he's almost negotiated a ceasefire 30 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,679 over the Strait of Hormuz. 31 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:41,839 Ah. 32 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,759 Oh, that's a lovely photo. 33 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,919 Mm, mm, mm. 34 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:46,919 More? 35 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,519 Mm. 36 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:49,200 Ah. Phew. 37 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:50,919 For a minute there, it felt like we were 38 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,759 on the brink of World War IV. 39 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:53,759 Mm. 40 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:54,479 Ah! 41 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,799 You know, Kemi, we make quite a team, 42 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:00,479 you and I. We disagree on everything very, 43 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,559 very, very slightly. 44 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:03,079 Yes. 45 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,599 Ever since our parties merged, we've 46 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:09,039 been unstoppable, just like the hantavirus turned out to be. 47 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:09,999 Oh, is that the time? 48 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,799 Come on, we're late for the straight pride parade. 49 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:13,599 Of course! 50 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,879 Oh, let's see what the weather's saying. 51 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,079 Oh, looks a bit chilly. 52 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,079 Summer comes around early every year. 53 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:32,079 Sir Keir! 54 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,639 Sir Keir, we've arrived. 55 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,799 I told you that time machine would work. 56 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:42,159 So this is really the future, Angela? 57 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,679 2046, to be precise. 58 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:46,879 Look, today's paper. 59 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:51,159 But, but, but-- 60 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,119 oh, crumbs. 61 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:55,519 Farage has been PM this whole time. 62 00:02:55,520 --> 00:03:00,519 And look at this, "SNL UK" renewed-- 63 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:11,679 for series 3. 64 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,599 Wow, big delay. 65 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,479 Yeah, series 2 must have been rough. 66 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,159 But why have you brought me here? 67 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,559 You'll remember the 7th of May, 2026, 68 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,079 the local council elections. 69 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,839 I'm not totally sure what those are, to be honest. 70 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:31,159 No one is, but the results speak for themselves. 71 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,559 If you don't do the honorable thing, 72 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:39,439 this future will come to pass. 73 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:44,039 I see what you're getting at, Big Ange. 74 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,200 If my days really are numbered, then I 75 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,679 should seize every moment, enjoy 76 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:54,199 every day as prime minister, because I've 77 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,200 only got three years left. 78 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,639 Thank you for this wonderful lesson. 79 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,759 No, that's not what I'm saying. 80 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,919 I'm trying to tell you to stand aside and let me take 81 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,479 charge of the government and-- 82 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:09,159 Oh, silly me. 83 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,799 I forgot my legal gun. 84 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,119 Hang on a minute. 85 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,119 Who are you? 86 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:14,919 Who am I? 87 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,119 I'm the blubbing prime minister. 88 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:18,999 Uh, uh, excuse me. 89 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:19,839 Uh, no, I am. 90 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:23,559 I'm the Big Chungus of this great United Kingdom of England 91 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,799 and the middle part of Wales. 92 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,879 Uh, security, seize them! 93 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,719 We deported the security. 94 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,439 Ah, excellent. 95 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,119 Yes! 96 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,119 Here, we have to go. 97 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,159 The prime ministerial time portal 98 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,959 is gonna close any second. 99 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,159 Wait, what? 100 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:41,079 Didn't you know? 101 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,519 This secret compartment allows the prime minister 102 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:44,839 to travel through time. 103 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:46,999 Yes! 104 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,039 Greetings. 105 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,839 I have come to-- 106 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:56,639 oh, sorry. 107 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:58,759 Do you ever walk into a room and completely forget 108 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,519 what you've gone in there for? 109 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:01,399 Oh, yeah. 110 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,479 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 111 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,719 Meep, meep. 112 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:06,679 Oh, wait. 113 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:07,479 That was it. 114 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,799 Live from London, it's "Saturday Night!" 115 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:22,879 It's "Saturday Night Live." 116 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:33,599 With Hammed Animashaun. 117 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:40,919 Ayoade Bamgboye. 118 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:47,599 Larry Dean. 119 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:53,119 Celese Dring. 120 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:59,759 George Fouracres. 121 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:04,999 Ania Magliano. 122 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:10,999 Annabel Marlow. 123 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:15,999 Al Nash. 124 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:22,719 Jack Shep. 125 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:30,159 Emma Sidi. 126 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:36,679 Paddy Young. 127 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,879 Musical guest, Myles Smith. 128 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:46,439 And your host, Hannah Waddingham. 129 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:58,839 Ladies and gentlemen, Hannah Waddingham! 130 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:14,079 Hello! 131 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,919 I am disproportionately excited to be here, hosting 132 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:22,119 "Saturday Night Live UK"! 133 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,479 Oh, hang on a minute. 134 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,159 Sorry, guys. 135 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,959 Um, something's wrong. 136 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:30,919 Boys are you-- thank you. 137 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:34,679 Oh, oh, oh, god. 138 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:35,519 That's better. 139 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,839 Honestly, two minutes out of high heels, and my feet 140 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:41,479 really start hurting. 141 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,919 Ah, thank you chaps, Larry, Jack. 142 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:51,039 It is so amazing to finally be here, at "SNL UK." 143 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:57,519 It reminds me so much of my beloved "Ted Lasso." 144 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:01,799 Brits and Americans working together, the team spirit, 145 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,079 the communal showers afterwards, I mean, 146 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:09,679 that was surprising and excellent. 147 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:14,119 Brett Goldstein is a very hairy man. 148 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,479 I mean, he really is. 149 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,759 Now I have played my fair share of glamorous characters 150 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:21,599 in my career. 151 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,999 Here are some of my particularly 152 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,759 attractive early roles. 153 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:28,759 Mm. 154 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,439 Yep. 155 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,919 And of course, from "Game of Thrones," my sexy little 156 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:35,959 turn as the "shame" nun. 157 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,999 Oh, yeah, where I looked like I'd been dug up 158 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,159 and then my face needed ironing. 159 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,439 But there are so many parts, guys, 160 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,039 that I've never been considered for that I'd 161 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,079 really love to play. 162 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,159 What about the male cab driver from Belfast 163 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,519 who gives surprisingly good romantic advice? 164 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,879 He violated your identity, sweetheart. 165 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:03,479 Now put your big girl pants on and remember, you are a queen. 166 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,799 Here's your stop. 167 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:11,079 Or a character I'd just like to call Debbie. 168 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:16,479 Ooh, I'm so sorry, Officer. 169 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,119 I'm Debbie. 170 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:20,959 I've been a very, very bad girl. 171 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,599 But what has Debbie done? 172 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,119 We never find out. 173 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:30,679 And, of course, the part that I think I was born to play, 174 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:35,519 perhaps the sexiest character from the "Star Wars" universe. 175 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,160 You see? 176 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:45,039 Range, range. 177 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:45,879 Now listen up. 178 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:49,559 I have been watching this cast absolutely kill it every week, 179 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:52,519 and I am so excited to be part of the gang tonight. 180 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:57,079 We have got a great show coming up for you, including music 181 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,839 from the fabulous Myles Smith. 182 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,679 And I can't believe I'm actually 183 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,599 getting to say this finally. 184 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,439 Stick around and watch this! 185 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:17,200 Jason Bentley, you are a menace to society. 186 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:19,159 I didn't do it, Your Honor. 187 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:23,559 You're going down for a very long time. 188 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:24,759 Not so fast! 189 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,879 You may have read him his rights, Your Honor. 190 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,519 But we're red and right. 191 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,039 "Sunburnt Lawyers"-- 192 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,119 Oh, Jesus. 193 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,119 Is that Melissa? 194 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,719 a searing new legal drama on Alibi. 195 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,959 I don't want to hear any goddamn excuses! 196 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,679 Just stop falling asleep on beaches! 197 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,199 Once it's peeled, it'll go brown. 198 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,719 It never does! 199 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,079 You're so jealous. 200 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,719 You look mental! 201 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,919 A wise man once said, if you are 202 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,119 neutral in situations of injustice, 203 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:06,159 then you have chosen the side of the oppressor. 204 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:07,839 [bleep] off, [bleep] off, [bleep] off. 205 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,799 don't. No, I'm not wearing that. 206 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:10,879 It's scratchy. 207 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:11,639 No, don't. 208 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,919 Don't touch me with that wig, 'cause I will scream. 209 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,119 You've heard of "Law and Order." 210 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,159 It's good, isn't it? 211 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,999 But this is something different. 212 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,759 So is your lawyer gonna sit down? 213 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:25,199 I'm scared of what it might feel like. 214 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:29,559 Even my arse is burnt to a crisp. 215 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:30,159 Carry on. 216 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,079 They're good lawyers, don't get me wrong. 217 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,839 They're just really, really sunburnt. 218 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:38,039 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, our client is innocent. 219 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:43,119 And we ask of you, does anyone have any sour cream? 220 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,759 Because we have read that that can help. 221 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,559 Anyone? 222 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,759 With all the emotional stakes you'd expect-- 223 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,679 My skin feels like the sound of bees. 224 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:56,719 Ah! 225 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,159 Ah, ah! 226 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,159 They're lawyers. 227 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,039 They're sunburnt. 228 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,079 It's really-- it's really that simple. 229 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,039 She was the love of my life. 230 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,039 I'd never lay a finger on her. 231 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,079 Ah. 232 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:12,039 What? 233 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,759 Ooh. 234 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:14,839 Sorry. 235 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:15,639 And get this. 236 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:20,160 Somehow, the sunburn always helps them win the case. 237 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,879 Ah! 238 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,159 Ha. 239 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,559 You see, Your Honor? 240 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:29,039 The fingerprints are not a match. 241 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,039 Not guilty! 242 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,679 Oh, Jesus Christ. 243 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,799 "Sunburnt Lawyers." 244 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:50,039 It's exactly what it sounds like. 245 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,479 OK, all right, all right. 246 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,759 Good morning, year 11. 247 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:06,679 There you go. 248 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:10,079 I got two words for you-- 249 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,559 End of. 250 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:14,999 And I've got two more words for you-- 251 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,799 Year musical. 252 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,999 End of year musical. 253 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:19,679 Yes! 254 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,679 Miss, did you get the rights to "Frozen" 255 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:23,879 so we can stop doing those weird shows 256 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,639 about your personal lives? 257 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:26,119 What? 258 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,719 I resent those allegations. 259 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:28,719 Do you, Janet? 260 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,519 I do, Janet. 261 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,959 And to be clear, we are both called Janet. 262 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:37,959 OK, yes, this original West End standard piece 263 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:43,519 is about two top-heavy Reading-based drama teachers. 264 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,839 And those teachers have both just 265 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:51,839 been through vicious divorces almost identical to ours. 266 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:56,519 But get this, they're both called Amy. 267 00:13:56,520 --> 00:14:00,999 So there's the difference! 268 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,799 Maestro, please. 269 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:08,879 ♪ Just arrived, Single City ♪ 270 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,039 ♪ My life's a mess ♪ 271 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,999 ♪ And mine is hell ♪ 272 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,439 ♪ Because the divorce ain't final yet ♪ 273 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:20,079 ♪ Sleeping in an empty king-size bed ♪ 274 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,639 ♪ In a single sitting, ♪ 275 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,559 ♪ He took the kids ♪ 276 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,999 Happy to move on. 277 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:28,679 Yeah. 278 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,799 Miss, Miss, when are we gonna get to perform? 279 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,159 Oh, I don't know, maybe when you've played Mrs. 280 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,799 Teapot in the Lincoln Drill Hall's unofficial 281 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:41,439 production of "Beauty and the Beast," entitled "Pretty Girl, 282 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,959 Big Dog." 283 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:48,959 So the next number is about a surprising 284 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:55,519 post-divorce trip that the Amys take to Center Parcs Longleat. 285 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,479 Lights! 286 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:02,679 ♪ There's something in the air at Longleats ♪ 287 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,999 ♪ Something we could never forsake ♪ 288 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:10,519 ♪ I only got one room when I booked on Wowcher ♪ 289 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,039 ♪ Now it's two of us, her and me ♪ 290 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,839 ♪ We're back from a long day on the rapids ♪ 291 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:22,639 ♪ 'Cause we both got stuck on the rapids for hours ♪ 292 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,039 ♪ Said I'll sleep on the sofa ♪ 293 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,079 ♪ I tell her, no, sir, ♪ 294 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,639 ♪ Let's dabble in lesbianism for the first time ♪ 295 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:35,519 ♪ And ultimately realize it's not for us ♪ 296 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,119 Come on! 297 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,599 Miss Janet, Miss Janet, we want to do "Frozen"! 298 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,719 "Frozen," "Frozen," "Frozen"! 299 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:44,399 Right. 300 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:45,759 OK, I suppose you don't want to hear 301 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,879 about the group number, where the Amys realize 302 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,199 their true love is teaching. 303 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,679 Inspired by their incredible students. 304 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,839 And, I mean, I just feel bad for Robin, who was 305 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,959 this year's chosen soloist. 306 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,479 We're sorry, Robin. 307 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,599 We know you're different from the other boys. 308 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:13,079 We're not gonna say why. 309 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,679 You're gonna have to have a trickier life 310 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:16,879 because of who you are. 311 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,079 We're not gonna say why. 312 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,719 And we hate to lose you as a soloist 313 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,799 because you are our favorite student. 314 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,839 We're not gonna say why. 315 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:31,599 Please, please, Janets, I need this. 316 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,439 Aw, Robin! 317 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,159 Robin! 318 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,119 Oh, all right. 319 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,079 You get up here, you horrible lot. 320 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,599 Come on. 321 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:46,439 Year 11, this song is about you. 322 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:50,519 ♪ 30 hopeless children in a classroom ♪ 323 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,159 ♪ Such disappointments ♪ 324 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,639 ♪ 30 nasty, ugly little children ♪ 325 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,399 ♪ What would they do without ♪ 326 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:03,519 ♪ Two busty ladies showing them the way? ♪ 327 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,639 ♪ Showing them the way ♪ 328 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,439 ♪ 5, 6, 7, 8 ♪ 329 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,079 ♪ Two busty ladies in the classroom ♪ 330 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,759 ♪ Two busty ladies with shitty, shitty children ♪ 331 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:18,959 ♪ Two busty ladies in a classroom ♪ 332 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,119 Come here, girl. 333 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:25,759 Oh, God, I think we got it wrong, yeah? 334 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,399 We should have stayed there. 335 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,679 Oh, no. 336 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,159 Right, listen up. 337 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,679 Welcome to your speed awareness course. 338 00:17:58,680 --> 00:17:59,399 I'm Shannon. 339 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,479 I've done it all, seen it all. 340 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,399 And I'm not impressed with naught. 341 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,439 You, tell me, why did you speed? 342 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:11,839 Well, Pedro Pascal was being interviewed by Greg 343 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,839 James on "BBC Radio One--" 344 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:14,839 Eh, let me guess. 345 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,799 Listening to that age-appropriate fanny charmer, 346 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,599 you forgot yourself and pedal touched carpet? 347 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,879 I couldn't help it. 348 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:24,879 He sounded naked. 349 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,639 Well, you might think 'cause this is the North, 350 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:33,599 that if you hit someone with a car, it don't matter. 351 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,879 Well, you're wrong, all right? 352 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,799 Bang wrong. 353 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,879 You, bog brush. 354 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:40,759 Join me up here. 355 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,919 Come on, take wheel. 356 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:44,599 Right. 357 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:48,839 We are going to do a little role play. 358 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,719 Picture the scene. 359 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:52,919 You're driving. 360 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,839 Your name is Martin. 361 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,599 And I am your passenger. 362 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,719 Street lamps zipping past. 363 00:18:58,720 --> 00:18:59,599 Uh, street lamps? 364 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,120 So that means it's residential, so that's 30? 365 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:06,759 Good, but it's 2:00 AM on bank holiday Monday. 366 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,639 Everybody's tucked up in bed. 367 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,679 Go on, Martin, speed. 368 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,039 Sorry? 369 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:14,999 Who are you meant to be? 370 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,599 Well, I'm your partner of six weeks, 371 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,839 and the moonlight's making me feel aroused, Martin. 372 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:24,839 Speed to the next lay by, and let's do fake taxi style. 373 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,039 Speed, Martin! 374 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:26,959 Speed! 375 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,959 OK, ah! 376 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,120 Fail! 377 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,119 Sit down. 378 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,079 You told me to speed. 379 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:41,999 You, statins, get up here. 380 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,639 I shouldn't even be. 381 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,559 You should be allowed to speed on Poppy Day. 382 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,879 Right, zip it. 383 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:52,559 Now, start driving. 384 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,639 We are on the ring road. 385 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:55,999 Everything's normal. 386 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,599 But oh, no! 387 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:58,079 Oh, sod! 388 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,879 I'm 9 and 1/2 months prego with twins 389 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,119 and me water's just broke. 390 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,160 You-- well, I'll call an ambulance. 391 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,879 No, it's too late, Martin. 392 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,919 Oh, I'm crowning. 393 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:08,959 I'm crowning! 394 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,479 Too wet heads are touching the glove box. 395 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:13,999 Please speed to the hospital. 396 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,599 Step on it, you fertile Latvian bastard. 397 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:18,759 Speed, Martin. Speed! 398 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,039 All right. I'm doing it. 399 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,999 I'm doing it! I'm doing it. 400 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,719 Fail. 401 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,119 I hope you like prison food. 402 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,159 Sit down. 403 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:28,839 Sorry. 404 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,639 Why were both of those men called Martin? 405 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,479 Next! 406 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:38,519 Eh, you, young lady, who almost certainly owns a Fiat 500 407 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:43,719 with eyelashes on it. 408 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:44,839 Take your time. 409 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:45,519 Jesus. 410 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:50,159 Right, in this scenario, we are driving back from hospital 411 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,599 with two healthy babies. 412 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:54,159 Right. 413 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,839 What kind of road is it? 414 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,159 Oh, shit, Martin. 415 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,719 I just got a BBC News alert. 416 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,999 Aliens have landed in Meadowhall Shopping Center. 417 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,559 They've released a gas and it's turning everybody mutant! 418 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,679 What does that have to do with speeding? 419 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,159 The alien fog will either make our babies 420 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,719 dyslexic or give 'em one eye. 421 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:17,999 In both scenarios, they're gonna need extra time in exams. 422 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,039 Now drive around by the fog. 423 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,159 Speed, Martin! 424 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:21,959 Speed. 425 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:22,959 But I don't want to. 426 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:26,559 You want a Cyclops baby, do you? 427 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,079 No! Ah! 428 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:29,039 Fail. 429 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:29,919 Fail! 430 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,839 Fail, fail, fail. 431 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,439 You've all failed. - Right. 432 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:34,759 You need to stop this. 433 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:35,759 Leave her alone. 434 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,079 These role plays are mental. 435 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,879 None of this would happen in real life. 436 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,119 Mummy. 437 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:50,719 Yes, darling? 438 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,799 Are-- are-- are you almost done with your class? 439 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,999 Me and my twin brother got a six-hour exam to get to, 440 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,919 and then we're gonna see our dad. 441 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,039 He's called Martin. 442 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:07,879 And by the way, he doesn't speed. 443 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:08,759 Think. 444 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:09,679 Don't speed. 445 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:14,079 Unless your baby gonna be cyclops. 446 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,479 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 447 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:44,039 ♪ Happy birthday to the triplets ♪ 448 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:49,199 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 449 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,879 Hey! 450 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,159 18 today. 451 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:53,199 Who would have thought it? 452 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,719 Gone in the blink of an bloody eye. 453 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:57,079 Well done, love. 454 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,159 Well done, us. 455 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,079 Oh, gross. 456 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:00,919 Get a room. 457 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,399 Oh, God forbid a man fancies his wife. 458 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,159 Right, come on, you lot. 459 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:05,839 Let's go to the pub, get your first legal round in. 460 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:07,679 And your mum will have a pint to pay now. 461 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,799 Actually, Paul, I'm not coming. 462 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,439 Oh, not this again, Jill. 463 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,999 Tony knows it wasn't you that's blocked the bog. 464 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:15,799 No, Paul. 465 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:20,119 I mean I'm not coming anywhere ever again. 466 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:21,639 Is this about them yogurts again? 467 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,159 I've told you that Tesco Express 468 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,439 doesn't do Müller Corner. 469 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,159 It's not about the yogurts, Paul. 470 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,119 Oh, come off it, Jill. 471 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:28,719 It's always about the yogurts with you. 472 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,079 I said it's not about the yogurt. 473 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:31,759 Right. Harry, give me them car keys. 474 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,119 I'll go and get your mum a yogurt. 475 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,959 It's not about the yogurt! 476 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,559 Mum, what's going on? 477 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:39,799 Oh my god, are you leaving, Dad? 478 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,119 No, of course, she's not leaving me. 479 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:42,199 You're not leaving me, are you? 480 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:43,599 I'm leaving you all. 481 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,639 You're 18 now. 482 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,199 My work here is done. 483 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:48,039 But, Mum. 484 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,159 I'm not your mum. 485 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,119 I'm-- 486 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:57,599 Daniel Day-Lewis preparing for a role. 487 00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:58,200 You're what? 488 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,119 I'm two-time Academy Award winner Daniel Day-Lewis. 489 00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:03,399 And for the past 18 years, I've been 490 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,039 method acting as your mother. 491 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:06,079 Is this some sort of joke? 492 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:08,639 I never joke about my craft, Eleanor. 493 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:09,759 This is insane. 494 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:10,879 Did you know about this? 495 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:12,079 I didn't have a clue. 496 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:12,999 What can I say? 497 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,119 He's bloody good. 498 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,439 Bless you, Paul, you've opened my eyes 499 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:21,159 to so much beauty, ginsters, Blossom Hill wine, 500 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,559 the concept of screwfix. 501 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:24,479 Oh, you're all right. 502 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,160 We've had a laugh, haven't we Danny Day-Lewis? 503 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:27,479 Can I call you? 504 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:28,039 No. 505 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,959 You sounded just like Jill then. 506 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:30,719 Hang on. 507 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:32,159 If you're our mum, how have you still been in films? 508 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,919 Didn't you find it curious my repeated six-month comas? 509 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,999 Or perhaps my Abraham Lincoln phase. 510 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,519 Yeah, the sex was good back then. 511 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:45,519 I'm confused. 512 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:46,679 Who gave birth to us? 513 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:47,999 A lovely lady named Debbie. 514 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:52,639 Last I heard, she was doing set design on "Young Sheldon." 515 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:53,159 Whoa. 516 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,559 I've always felt such an intense connection 517 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:56,479 to that show. 518 00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:02,879 My simple boy, loving you has been my greatest challenge. 519 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:03,919 Thank you. 520 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,719 Sorry, it's my agent. 521 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:08,759 Hello? 522 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:09,439 Yes. 523 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,519 They gave it to Reese Witherspoon? 524 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:12,039 Shit. 525 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,759 I've been living with this ghastly family 526 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,039 for 18 years for that part. 527 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,719 Is there anything we can do? 528 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:22,399 I'll tell you what. 529 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,599 You can buy your mother a pint of pinot. 530 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,519 I want to get wasted tonight. 531 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:32,719 Mum was so good in "Phantom Thread." 532 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:43,439 Ladies and gentlemen, the dreamy Myles Smith! 533 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,919 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 534 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,639 ♪ Time stood still just like a photograph ♪ 535 00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:01,120 ♪ You made me feel like this would last forever ♪ 536 00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:05,039 ♪ Looking in your eyes ♪ 537 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,439 ♪ I see my whole life ♪ 538 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,119 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ 539 00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:16,079 ♪ They say you know it when you know it, and I know ♪ 540 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,919 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ 541 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:24,119 ♪ Promise that you'll hold me close, don't let me go ♪ 542 00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:25,039 ♪ Hey! ♪ 543 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,479 ♪ Take my heart, don't break it ♪ 544 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:32,879 ♪ Love me to my bones ♪ 545 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:36,639 ♪ All this time I've wasted ♪ 546 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,879 ♪ You were right there all along ♪ 547 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:44,759 ♪ You and I stargazing ♪ 548 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,559 ♪ Intertwining souls ♪ 549 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,079 ♪ We were never strangers ♪ 550 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:56,559 ♪ You were right there all along ♪ 551 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:57,079 ♪ Hey! ♪ 552 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,959 ♪ And I lose my mind ♪ 553 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,559 ♪ When I'm around you, how I come alive ♪ 554 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:07,759 ♪ When I'm without you, I can't help but feel so lost ♪ 555 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:12,119 ♪ I wanna give you all I've got ♪ 556 00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:15,079 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ 557 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:19,919 ♪ They say you know it when you know it, and I know ♪ 558 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,039 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ 559 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:27,879 ♪ Promise that you'll hold me close, don't let me go ♪ 560 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:28,959 ♪ Hey! ♪ 561 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,799 ♪ Take my heart, don't break it ♪ 562 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:36,799 ♪ Love me to my bones ♪ 563 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:40,559 ♪ All this time I've wasted ♪ 564 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:44,719 ♪ You were right there all along ♪ 565 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:48,679 ♪ You and I stargazing ♪ 566 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,160 ♪ Intertwining souls ♪ 567 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,999 ♪ We were never strangers ♪ 568 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,559 ♪ You were right there all along ♪ 569 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,839 ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh ♪ 570 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:03,799 ♪ Oh, oh-oh ♪ 571 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,079 ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh ♪ 572 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:07,879 ♪ All along ♪ 573 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:09,799 ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh ♪ 574 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,439 ♪ Oh, oh-oh ♪ 575 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:15,519 ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh ♪ 576 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:19,559 ♪ Take my heart, don't break it ♪ 577 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:23,119 ♪ Love me to my bones ♪ 578 00:28:23,120 --> 00:28:26,919 ♪ All this time I've wasted ♪ 579 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:30,919 ♪ You were right there all along ♪ 580 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:16,599 @ - It's "Weekend Update" withú Ania Magliano and Paddy Young. 581 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,119 Good evening, and welcome to "Weekend Update." 582 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:19,959 I'm Paddy Young. 583 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,119 And I'm Ania Magliano. 584 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:26,839 This week's local elections were a disaster for Prime 585 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,119 Minister Keir Starmer, seen here voting 586 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:33,119 Reform as the Labour Party suffered 587 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:34,919 their worst defeat in decades. 588 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:39,719 In England, Reform UK won just over 1,400 seats. 589 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:41,999 Of course, the rise of Reform might seem scary 590 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,959 if you're an economic migrant, or a refugee, 591 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,679 or under 80 years old, trans, not privately educated, 592 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:52,519 in any way disabled, someone who uses the NHS, a woman, 593 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,599 not white, in a care home, someone who 594 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:55,679 doesn't like being upskirted. 595 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:59,119 But for the remaining one guy who actually lives in Thailand, 596 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:05,079 it's gonna be great. 597 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,959 Now, if these local election results 598 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,879 were to be carried over to the general election in three 599 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:14,759 years' time, there would, of course, be a significant impact 600 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,799 as my body hits the pavement. 601 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,839 Now, a lot of young people are 602 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,599 worried that the continuing success of Reform 603 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:24,799 will affect their future. 604 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:29,519 But you have to remember, you're already fucked. 605 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,039 With the left and the right making massive gains, 606 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,559 it was a huge clash of cultures at the polls. 607 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:46,479 Reform versus the Greens, bald men versus bald women. 608 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,919 Yes, it was a great night for the Greens, 609 00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:51,599 despite leader Zack Polanski being 610 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,999 criticized for falsely claiming he'd been 611 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,999 a spokesman for the Red Cross. 612 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,999 But who hasn't lied on their CV? 613 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,639 I'd still be a doctor if I hadn't 614 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:05,639 prescribed kissing it better. 615 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:10,039 Already in-- already in the past few hours, 616 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:13,519 Labour MP Catherine West has threatened to trigger 617 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:14,919 a leadership contest. 618 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,879 Even if Keir Starmer does resign, 619 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,159 he is expected to remain very much 620 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:26,719 in the public eye as a senior mannequin in John Lewis. 621 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,959 Following the calls for Keir Starmer to resign, 622 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:32,599 cabinet minister Steve Reed has warned Labour against, 623 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:36,839 quote, "doom scrolling through leaders like the Tories did." 624 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,200 Well, Steve Reed, you don't know 625 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:42,559 what doom scrolling is, but I don't know who you are, 626 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:45,079 so one-all. 627 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:49,519 By some estimates, Labour's vote share plummeted to 15%, 628 00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,959 which is being blamed on Starmer's toxic image. 629 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:53,839 I don't know why. 630 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:55,559 As far as dead-eyed, self-serving, 631 00:31:55,560 --> 00:32:03,439 nonce-collecting cowards go, he's quite likeable. 632 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:07,759 The army of new Reform counselors 633 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,160 have vowed to get started straight 634 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,959 away, leaving no flag unshagged. 635 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:14,439 One of the big features of this election 636 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,519 has been the emergence of the shy Reform voter. 637 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,719 And hold on, I think we have one here now. 638 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:27,159 Ooh! 639 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:28,839 Stop it, I'm shy. 640 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:29,639 Oh! 641 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,119 Not me voting for Reform, by the way. 642 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:33,999 Stop the boats. 643 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:34,919 Did I just say that? 644 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,199 Oh my god, stop looking at me! 645 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:38,759 Take back control. 646 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,199 What am I like? 647 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:48,039 Al Nash appearing as himself, everybody! 648 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,119 Put on your masks, lock down your gran, 649 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,639 and stop spitting in each other's mouths. 650 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:56,199 There's a new virus in town! 651 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,079 Yes, a cruise ship has been unable to dock 652 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,639 after being hit by an outbreak of hantavirus, 653 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:06,719 which is spread in the feces and urine of rats. 654 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:08,679 The situation was described as deeply 655 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:11,719 stressful by Foreign Secretary Yvette Cooper, and 656 00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:16,599 the ultimate party boat by a big rat. 657 00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,919 Now, the virus may have also been 658 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:22,519 spread through intimate sexual contact 659 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:24,879 between humans and rats. 660 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:28,439 That's according to me. 661 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,679 Earlier this week, the extravagant, celebrity-filled 662 00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:33,119 Met Gala was held in New York. 663 00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:38,519 This year's theme was people you'd like to see exploded. 664 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,599 As usual, the Met Gala featured 665 00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,879 a lot of high-concept outfits. 666 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:43,799 Beyoncé looked amazing. 667 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:47,599 Someone's made the most of the Claire's closing-down sale. 668 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,639 And Katy Perry wore an eerie, mirrored mask 669 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,919 covering her whole face, symbolizing 670 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,559 what it's like to live life as a stupid moron. 671 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,799 Nearly half of singles say that dating 672 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,799 is no longer affordable due to the rising cost of living. 673 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:15,519 Here to comment, it's our dating correspondent, Scrimpch. 674 00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:24,160 ú - I'm Scrimpch, dating expert. 675 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:25,759 I've been on seven dates, and I'm 676 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,639 probably going to go on more. 677 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,039 Well, I hear you have dating tips for when money's tight. 678 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:42,519 I do because I know it can be hard out there for a Scrimpch. 679 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:43,119 Let's go. 680 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,599 Tip one, don't spend money, make money. 681 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:47,159 Take your date to a wishing well. 682 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,439 There's pennies in there. 683 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:54,039 OK. 684 00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:59,199 Tip two-- on a date, always sing your truth. 685 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,079 ♪ My name is Scrimpch ♪ 686 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:02,479 ♪ Your name is Lady ♪ 687 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:07,079 ♪ This is the case of Lady and the Scrimpch ♪ 688 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:08,119 ♪ Can I guess your BMI? ♪ 689 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,519 ♪ It doesn't matter if it's low or high ♪ 690 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:11,639 ♪ I just love guessing BMIs ♪ 691 00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:15,959 ♪ And please, may I use your phone? ♪ 692 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,799 Sorry. 693 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:25,639 So sorry. 694 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,879 Where are you from? 695 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,159 Well, I came here from Europe on a school trip, 696 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,439 and they forgot me. It's OK. 697 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:33,439 It's OK! 698 00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:34,679 It's OK. 699 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,919 Never feel sorry for Scrimpch. 700 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,039 He doesn't need to know his age. 701 00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:41,519 Everybody say Scrimpch. 702 00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:45,759 Sorry, it's pronounced Scrimpch? 703 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:49,639 Tip nine-- keep a date short and sweet. 704 00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:53,679 At the 50-minute mark, say ew, there's ants in here, 705 00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:54,839 and I got to go. 706 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:04,799 If in doubt, sing again. 707 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,679 ♪ Feel the rain on your Scrimpch ♪ 708 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,959 ♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪ 709 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:12,879 ♪ Because they are not called Scrimpch ♪ 710 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:22,799 OK. 711 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:23,719 What's happening? 712 00:36:23,720 --> 00:36:28,119 Tip 17-- being interesting is free. 713 00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:32,919 ♪ My favorite sound is an elephant's trunk ♪ 714 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,439 ♪ It is so charming to me ♪ 715 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:36,439 ♪ The way that elephants grieve ♪ 716 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:37,759 ♪ I wish my mother grieved ♪ 717 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,799 ♪ But she never looked for me ♪ 718 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:42,839 Right, OK, I think I get it. 719 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:44,839 Listen, life is a school trip. 720 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:48,160 Sometimes you get left behind forever. 721 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,079 So go and kiss a girl on the neck. 722 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,159 Ladies and gentlemen, once again, Scrimpch. 723 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,079 Oh. 724 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:04,679 A member of Donald Trump's security detail, 725 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,799 has been placed on leave after allegedly masturbating 726 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,599 publicly in a hotel corridor close to where 727 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:11,479 Trump was staying. 728 00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:13,919 The President was rushed to safety as soon as they 729 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:19,679 heard the sound of cum shots. 730 00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:23,679 On Tuesday-- on Tuesday, the trailer 731 00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:25,919 for Christopher Nolan's adaptation 732 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,479 of "The Odyssey" was released. 733 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,599 It's an epic tale about one person's desperate desire 734 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:32,159 to return home and is loosely based 735 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:41,639 on how I feel when men talk to me about Christopher Nolan. 736 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:42,999 Blackpool's famous trams museum 737 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:52,639 is shutting in yet another blow for the trams community. 738 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,719 Television-- we'll edit that out. 739 00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:58,719 Television personality Scarlett Moffatt has revealed that 740 00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:01,799 during her time on "I'm a Celebrity," she actually 741 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:03,559 enjoyed eating camel penis. 742 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:07,479 And for those of you interested in showbiz jargon, in TV, 743 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:11,999 we call eating a penis auditioning. 744 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,679 It's been revealed that the most-sent text in the UK is I 745 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,399 love you, according to the results of a poll 746 00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:27,959 my dad did not take part in. 747 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,639 New government regulations could mean that fruit yogurts 748 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,079 will be classed as junk food. 749 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:33,839 OK, great. 750 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:41,719 I guess I'll have to find other healthier types of lube. 751 00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:46,079 In Italy, new legislation is being introduced that will 752 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,159 ban the selling of horse meat. 753 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:48,839 Hmm. 754 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,079 Last summer I went to Italy, but 755 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:53,519 all I ate was pizza-- a piece of this horse, 756 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:57,479 a piece of that horse. 757 00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,679 Meanwhile, in Burnley, a devastating fire 758 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:03,919 at the Warburtons bread factory has caused an estimated 2 and 759 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:11,519 1/2 million pounds of toast. 760 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,439 And now, in traffic news, a lorry 761 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,519 carrying 20 tons of Prosecco has 762 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,999 crashed on the M4, spilling wine 763 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,799 across all three westbound lanes. 764 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:24,839 The next morning, the M4 woke up with a terrible hangover 765 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:28,119 in bed with the M25. 766 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:29,079 And then, get this. 767 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:32,039 The A406 bursts in and is like, oh, my God, 768 00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:33,079 I thought we were exclusive. 769 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,719 And then the M4 starts crying, and he's like, I don't 770 00:39:35,720 --> 00:39:36,799 know what's wrong with me. 771 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:37,759 I must have a problem. 772 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:38,999 And then the A406 is like, I just 773 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,599 can't do this anymore-- storms out, and now none of them 774 00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:42,399 are talking. 775 00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,159 And that's the traffic news. 776 00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:52,399 Sir David Attenborough turned 100 yesterday. 777 00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,519 In celebration of his milestone birthday, 778 00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,639 London Zoo have told him he's finally allowed to choose 779 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:06,839 and make love to one animal. 780 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:09,999 And now, here to celebrate the world's greatest 781 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:15,559 nature documentarian is one of his oldest colleagues, a rhino. 782 00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:21,839 Thank you, Ania. 783 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:22,639 I'm a rhino. 784 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:26,839 And I'm here to say, Attenborough, you're a bitch. 785 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:27,759 Whoa! What? 786 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:30,599 @ - Yeah, that sicko's beenú making a living out of filming 787 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:32,599 my people for 80 years. 788 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,479 None of us ever signed a waiver. 789 00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:35,479 ú None of us ever got paid! 790 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,679 Meanwhile, he gets a knighthood for broadcasting 791 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,519 footage of my mom getting shot by a poacher. 792 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:41,519 OK, but-- 793 00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:43,079 Attenborough! 794 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:44,759 I call you out. 795 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,039 I'll meet you any time, any place 796 00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,159 to settle this, mano a rhino. 797 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:52,919 What's this? 798 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:53,999 Oh, my God. 799 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:54,959 Can it be? 800 00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,039 Sir David Attenborough! 801 00:40:59,040 --> 00:40:59,999 He's here! 802 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:07,679 There are only 27,000 rhinos left in the wild. 803 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:16,159 And when I'm through with this bitch, there'll only be 26,999! 804 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,039 Unprecedented scenes. 805 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,039 Oh, my God! 806 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,599 The greatest brain alive is coming for the rhino. 807 00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:25,599 Oh, he's coming over. 808 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,199 Oh, that's gotta hurt. 809 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:29,079 Oh. 810 00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:29,919 Oh, my gosh! 811 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,639 David Attenborough, who's going for the back. 812 00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:33,839 The rhinos's gone. 813 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,999 They're taking it off the desk. 814 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,679 Attenborough's going in for the kill. 815 00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:40,799 Come on! Yeah, yeah. 816 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,679 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 817 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:43,799 Full nelson! 818 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:44,799 But wait. 819 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:45,599 What's this? 820 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,679 The big cats are here-- here to finish the job. 821 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,479 I've never seen anything like it. 822 00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:55,159 Oh, Attenborough's downed the lion. 823 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:56,559 Oh. 824 00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:57,479 That's the tiger gone. 825 00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:59,399 My God, I've never seen anything like this 826 00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:00,919 in all of "Weekend Update." 827 00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:02,439 No, no, no! 828 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:03,079 No! 829 00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:04,719 Not the chokeslam! 830 00:42:04,720 --> 00:42:07,559 There we have it, ladies and gentlemen! 831 00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:08,479 Attenborough's done it! 832 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:13,919 100 years and still Undisputed Champion of the Natural World, 833 00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:19,679 David Attenborough! 834 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,959 For Weekend Update, I'm Paddy Young. 835 00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:23,479 And I'm Ania Magliano. 836 00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:24,439 Good night! 837 00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:58,639 What about these ones, love? 838 00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:01,679 Oh, I know nothing about running shoes. 839 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,679 There must be a shop assistant somewhere. 840 00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:05,919 Oh, here he comes. 841 00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:07,039 Look. 842 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,159 Oh, god. 843 00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:15,039 Hi, guys. 844 00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:16,160 Welcome to Foot Locker. 845 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:19,479 How can I help? 846 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:22,479 Holy shit! 847 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:23,799 Christine? 848 00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:24,719 It's Phantom. 849 00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:26,519 Phantom of the Opera. 850 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,439 Yeah, I know. 851 00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:30,479 - Who's this, Christine? - Hello, mate. 852 00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:31,159 Sorry. 853 00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:31,999 Eric Phantom. 854 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,759 Some people call me the angel of music. 855 00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:34,759 Hey, Christine. 856 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:36,559 Is this your brother? 857 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:37,679 What's the relationship here? 858 00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:39,719 No, this is-- this is James, my husband. 859 00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:42,999 And that's our little one over there, Daisy. 860 00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:43,719 Oh. 861 00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:45,119 Eric and I just used to work together. 862 00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,439 Well, it was a bit more than that, wasn't it? 863 00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:49,039 OK. 864 00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:50,559 He was my singing teacher. 865 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:52,519 No, no. 866 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,119 We were absolutely dating, so. 867 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,159 Sorry, sorry, singing teacher? 868 00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:57,079 I didn't know you sang. 869 00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:01,959 Yes, I-- I was a professional singer of opera in France. 870 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,679 You were a professional opera singer in France? 871 00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,559 That's the first I've heard of it. 872 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:09,759 Ooh, trouble in paradise. 873 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,559 Why don't you and Daisy go and 874 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,599 look at the football shirts? 875 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:14,119 OK. 876 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:16,160 Well, you're not gonna reignite your love through the medium 877 00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:17,519 of song, are you? 878 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:19,159 God, no! 879 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:20,039 Imagine that. 880 00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:21,799 Oh, well, all right. 881 00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,039 That's a relief. 882 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:29,119 ♪ I have waited for this day ♪ 883 00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:33,679 ♪ That my ingenue might need a pair of shoes ♪ 884 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:34,559 Eric, don't! 885 00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:35,879 Yeah, understood. 886 00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:36,759 Get over it. 887 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,039 Move on, Phantom! 888 00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:39,119 Oh! 889 00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:39,879 OK. 890 00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:41,519 So still a size 7? 891 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:42,160 Oh, I think so. 892 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,160 Changes from brand to brand. 893 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:45,759 Yeah, that's a common problem that. 894 00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:50,079 Well, perhaps we should get you measured? 895 00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:53,919 Measured? 896 00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:56,839 ♪ Measure me ♪ 897 00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,079 ♪ Measure me fondly ♪ 898 00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:03,639 ♪ Try to find my size ♪ 899 00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,479 ♪ Examine me ♪ 900 00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:05,999 Yep! 901 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,119 Still a very sexual size 7, OK. 902 00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:11,599 Um, so do you prefer slip-ons or lace-ups? 903 00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:13,879 Oh, lace-ups, I think. 904 00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:15,799 The lady likes them laced. 905 00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:16,519 OK. 906 00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:20,599 So in terms of running shoes, we have 907 00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,399 your Adidas, your Solomons. 908 00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,799 I actually would recommend these. 909 00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:31,160 ♪ Slide your foot in ♪ 910 00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:35,599 ♪ With anticipation ♪ 911 00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:39,559 ♪ Tie the laces ♪ 912 00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:43,759 ♪ Tightening sensation ♪ 913 00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:46,839 ♪ Let your feelings grow ♪ 914 00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:50,959 ♪ As I press upon the toe ♪ 915 00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:55,079 ♪ I am here to sell you shoes ♪ 916 00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,839 ♪ That you might like ♪ 917 00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:04,479 ♪ By singing you the music of the Nike ♪ 918 00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:07,559 ♪ Let your mind-- ♪ 919 00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:08,479 Eric! 920 00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:09,879 Eric, no! 921 00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,399 I'm sorry! 922 00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:12,959 Look, I'm married. 923 00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,039 Eric, I have a child. 924 00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:17,759 Also, not to be a total bitch about it, 925 00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:20,160 but you did kidnap me, and kill all those people, 926 00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,479 and burn down that opera house. 927 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:22,959 Oh. 928 00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:24,599 God, you burn down one opera house, 929 00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:27,119 you never hear the bloody end of it. 930 00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:29,439 Come on, Daisy. 931 00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:31,919 No! 932 00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,039 We're off to Sports Direct. 933 00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:34,999 No! 934 00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,479 ♪ It's all over now ♪ 935 00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:47,079 ♪ The music of the night ♪ 936 00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:57,679 Once again, Mr. Myles Smith. 937 00:47:02,720 --> 00:47:06,039 ♪ We dream of jet planes ♪ 938 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:11,679 ♪ Freedom, trying to find escape ♪ 939 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:17,439 ♪ From heartache ♪ 940 00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,679 ♪ Too young to feel cold ♪ 941 00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:26,399 ♪ Seeing you warms me up inside ♪ 942 00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:29,160 ♪ Just your face ♪ 943 00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:35,799 ♪ Safe in your arms I can't forget ♪ 944 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:42,919 ♪ You save me from the demons in my head ♪ 945 00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:46,519 ♪ I keep running in circles now ♪ 946 00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:50,159 ♪ I've been losing myself somehow ♪ 947 00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:57,439 ♪ Won't you hold me in the dark ♪ 948 00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:00,919 ♪ Yeah, I'm running in circles now ♪ 949 00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:04,759 ♪ I've been losing myself somehow ♪ 950 00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:13,839 ♪ Won't you hold me in the dark ♪ 951 00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,799 ♪ Long roads ahead ♪ 952 00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:22,879 ♪ But I know we'll make it in the end, ♪ 953 00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:28,039 ♪ Make it in the end ♪ 954 00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:31,519 ♪ And I've tried running ♪ 955 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:37,159 ♪ But only you can fix my soul ♪ 956 00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:41,079 ♪ So take me home ♪ 957 00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:44,679 ♪ I keep running in circles now ♪ 958 00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:48,519 ♪ I've been losing myself somehow ♪ 959 00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:55,599 ♪ Won't you hold me in the dark ♪ 960 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,879 ♪ Yeah, I'm running in circles now ♪ 961 00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:02,919 ♪ I've been losing myself somehow ♪ 962 00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:10,399 ♪ Won't you hold me in the dark ♪ 963 00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:11,119 ♪ Yeah, yeah! ♪ 964 00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,759 ♪ Oh, oh-oh, oh ♪ 965 00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:15,599 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪ 966 00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:17,559 ♪ Oh-oh, oh ♪ 967 00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:32,119 ♪ Won't you hold me in the dark ♪ 968 00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:34,519 ♪ Here in your arms ♪ 969 00:49:34,520 --> 00:49:39,120 ♪ That is where I lay my head ♪ 970 00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:42,839 ♪ I keep running in circles now ♪ 971 00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,639 ♪ I've been losing myself somehow ♪ 972 00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:53,799 ♪ Won't you hold me in the dark ♪ 973 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,479 ♪ And I'm running in circles now ♪ 974 00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:01,079 ♪ I've been losing myself somehow ♪ 975 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:09,519 ♪ Won't you hold me in the dark ♪ 976 00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:48,199 I am having such a nice time! 977 00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:48,999 Me too! 978 00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,519 There's just something about my mood. 979 00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:52,599 I just-- I can't explain it. 980 00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:55,879 I can. 981 00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:57,839 Take it away, maestro. 982 00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:03,759 ♪ I feel so good now ♪ 983 00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:05,759 ♪ Truly at ease ♪ 984 00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:07,679 ♪ I'm having a great hair day ♪ 985 00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:11,959 ♪ And past mistakes aren't weighing on me ♪ 986 00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:16,039 ♪ I'm not stressed about my mother ♪ 987 00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:18,759 ♪ Or paying off my Klarna ♪ 988 00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:19,919 ♪ And at the end of the day ♪ 989 00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:23,159 ♪ I'm actually happy for my ex who is fully gay ♪ 990 00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:28,999 ♪ A guy is talking at length about an app he designed ♪ 991 00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,079 ♪ And I don't even mind ♪ 992 00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:32,759 ♪ How the stars aligned ♪ 993 00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,639 ♪ Am I nailing my life? ♪ 994 00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:39,639 ♪ No, I've simply had two glasses of wine ♪ 995 00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:41,799 ♪ Two glasses tonight ♪ 996 00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:43,200 ♪ That's all it takes ♪ 997 00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:45,079 ♪ Two glasses of wine ♪ 998 00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:48,719 ♪ So I'm loving I can legally drive ♪ 999 00:51:48,720 --> 00:52:01,639 ♪ I'm suddenly fluent with my conversational German ♪ 1000 00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:03,599 ♪ Best I've felt all year ♪ 1001 00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,919 ♪ Starting to think white boys are a good idea ♪ 1002 00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:09,759 ♪ I'm trying somebody's sunglasses on ♪ 1003 00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:11,079 ♪ It's definitely charming ♪ 1004 00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:12,919 ♪ I'm sorry I dropped them ♪ 1005 00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:15,160 ♪ I just remembered someone I ♪ 1006 00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,879 ♪ went to school with who died ♪ 1007 00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,439 ♪ I'm sending story replies ♪ 1008 00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,639 ♪ Replaying my parents' divorce ♪ 1009 00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:23,919 ♪ Why am I having these thoughts ♪ 1010 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:25,959 ♪ Oh, yeah, 'cause I've had ♪ 1011 00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:29,119 ♪ Three glasses of wine ♪ 1012 00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,079 ♪ We're pushing it now ♪ 1013 00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:32,159 ♪ I should tap out ♪ 1014 00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:34,199 ♪ Three glasses of wine ♪ 1015 00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:38,439 ♪ 'cause my reflection is bringing me down ♪ 1016 00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:42,439 ♪ Too much wine ♪ 1017 00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:44,159 ♪ Oh, no ♪ 1018 00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:46,439 ♪ And I'm angry about something ♪ 1019 00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:51,479 ♪ But I can't remember what the thing is ♪ 1020 00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:58,999 Oh, come on, it's jazz 1021 00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:00,959 Oggy, Oggy, Oggy! 1022 00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:02,479 Oi, oi, oi! 1023 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:02,959 Yeah. 1024 00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:04,679 That's the fourth wall. 1025 00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:05,519 Yeah. 1026 00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:09,799 My apologies to the fourth wall. 1027 00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:11,119 Oh, come on, mate! 1028 00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:14,919 Don't film me. 1029 00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:18,479 Well, well, well, what do we have here? 1030 00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:23,439 Listen, my dressing room is right next to Hammed's, yeah. 1031 00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:30,519 And it's soundproofed. 1032 00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:31,639 It sounds good. 1033 00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:35,439 OK, I'll see you later. Whoa! 1034 00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:35,959 Whoa! 1035 00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:37,439 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1036 00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:39,079 Oh! No! 1037 00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:39,959 Ooh! 1038 00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:43,999 Hold on. 1039 00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:44,959 Oh, I'm sorry. 1040 00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:45,759 I'm so sorry. 1041 00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:47,839 No, it's-- I'm gonna be-- 1042 00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:49,079 I'm gonna throw up. 1043 00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:52,559 Why is she so drunk? 1044 00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:54,519 I thought you only had three wines. 1045 00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:57,199 Yeah, and eight margaritas. 1046 00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:58,479 Oh, god. 1047 00:53:58,480 --> 00:53:58,959 Great. 1048 00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:00,879 ♪ And I was also a little bit sick ♪ 1049 00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:04,719 ♪ So now I feel totally electric ♪ 1050 00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:05,759 ♪ I'm so drunk ♪ 1051 00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:07,160 ♪ I've gone full circle ♪ 1052 00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:09,399 ♪ And I feel good again ♪ 1053 00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:10,399 ♪ Riding the wine wave ♪ 1054 00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:13,159 ♪ It's hard to know how many drinks are enough ♪ 1055 00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:14,839 ♪ For some people it's four ♪ 1056 00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:17,039 ♪ Some people it's none ♪ 1057 00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:23,519 ♪ It's different for everyone ♪ 1058 00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:27,479 ♪ It can take a lifetime ♪ 1059 00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:29,759 ♪ To know just how much ♪ 1060 00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:34,719 ♪ Is the right amount of ♪ 1061 00:54:34,720 --> 00:54:37,039 ♪ - Wi-- ♪ - No, that's the wrong. 1062 00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:40,759 ♪ - Wine-- ♪ 1063 00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:48,559 ♪ Wine ♪ 1064 00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:08,679 My thanks to Myles Smith, Peter Serafinowicz, and 1065 00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:12,759 the hugest thanks to this ridiculously phenomenal cast, 1066 00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:16,999 writers, and everyone working on the show for making 1067 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:18,599 this such a great week! 1068 00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:22,159 It is my total honor to host "SNL UK." 1069 00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:27,160 And to my little girl, thank you for letting me be here. 1070 00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:29,119 I'm coming home. 1071 00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,119 Good night. 1072 00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:30,999 Good night!